Can you text too much before a first date?

ShareTweetPinShareShareEmailI did something that I dont usually do I tried to prove myself wrong.As a dating coach, the advice I give is what I know to work. Even if it works 90%

Can you text too much before a first date?


I did something that I dont usually do  I tried to prove myself wrong.

As a dating coach, the advice I give is what I know to work. Even if it works 90% of the time, Ill still advise it. Especially since I cant, of course, control how other people react.

I often call texting the death of the first date or the place where dates go to die. (Im not usually this morbid. Promise.) So as I managed my own Bumble account, I wanted to prove myself wrong.

I was chatting with a guy who, after a few messages back and forth about our dogs and weekend plans, asked for my number. Actually, he said, Maybe youd like to meet up? (While Im glad he asked, I have a personal pet peeve with the up. Are you trying to make it seem more casual? Id just like to meet. Period.) Regardless, I replied, That sounds nice! Then, he asked, Why dont you shoot me your number?

Normally, I would advise a client (or myself) to say, You know, it actually helps me stay organized to arrange the details on here, but Im happy to plan something for this weekend. It works like a charm. It pushes for the date while keeping the communication on the dating app so the conversation doesnt go into the texting abyss, as it so often does.

But I decided to use this as an opportunity to re-assess my views. I realize that this sample size of one cannot draw conclusions, yet the behavior I saw was exactly as I predicted it would be:

Him: Hey this is your bumble prince (The lack of punctuation when writing to a writer is not lost on me.)

Me: Can you really be my Bumble prince if you dont have an iPhone?  (His texts were green, meaning that were not using iMessage, meaning that he doesnt have an iPhone.)

Him: Yes maam! I make up for it

Me: We will see!

Him: Haha Im already getting judged

Me: Not at all.

Him: Just giving you a hard time!

Me: I got it!

Him: I feel like youre probably more sarcastic than me. (Should be than I, but Ill let this go for now.) Or maybe sassy is the right word

Me: I am 0% sarcastic. I actually hate sarcasm. Sass I have in spades! (And yes, I did use the spade emoji.)

Him: How come you dont like sarcasm?

Me: I often find it mean.

Him: Love sass! Ahh yes I can see that. I am definitely not mean

But Im not sarcastic a lot

Sassy for sure

Hows your day going? (Note: This is where things always go downhill.)

Me: Super busy actually!! (Note: It was 1 PM on a weekday!)

Him: Ohh well then I can text you later

Me: Great!

After one more Hows the day been?? three hours later, when I was still working, and I responded as such (though very nicely), he was never to be heard from again. Yes, I could have pushed things along if I wanted to. But I didnt.

As I told a client recently, texting before a first date is like driving a new car off the lot  it depreciates immediately. Id venture to say that once the phone number is given on the app, theres a 60% chance that the first date will no longer happen. Why? People get lazy. They text, How is your day? vs. Lets confirm our plans for Sunday. Hows 4 p.m. in Shaw?

Or someone says something that gets misconstrued. Or someone sends something inappropriate. You might be thinking, Wouldnt I want to know if someone is like that before we meet? Sure. But I still want you to just get to the date in order to make the assessment for yourself.

So, as much as I wanted to prove myself wrong, I stand by my advice to keep the date planning on the dating apps and then only exchange numbers at the last minute for contingencies. People get in their own way without knowing it. Dont let them.

This article originally appeared in the Duluth News Tribune.

Image by Karolina Grabowska from Pixabay.

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