Wondering how to get over a crush? Few things are more torturous than an unrequited crush, and we've all been there. Maybe the person in question started seeing someone new, or they're just plain not interested in you in that way. Regardless, it's not the best feeling. Rest assured, you're not alone. It might ease your pain to know that you eventually will get over your crush and probably land on someone totally new and even better to lust after, and you'll also get to experience all those fun things that come along with a new love interest.
For now, though, you probably want to focus on moving on. We talked to a clinical psychologist Jane Mendle who specializes in adolescence to get some of her best tips for how to get over a crush. Check them out now and figure out which ones might be able to help you.View more
1. Talk It Out and Let It Go
Commit to a big ole vent session with your mom or best friend and get all your feelings out on the table. Talk about what you saw in this person, how much you're hurting, all the details of your perfect imaginary dates, etc. Get it all out in one fell swoop, and then commit to letting it go. "Talking things through can help you understand more about why you feel the way you do, and also lets the people who care about you know whats going on in your life and that you might need extra support right now," explains Dr. Mendle.
2. Try Not to Obsess
While talking it out is good, don't let the pain be the only thing you talk about. It's what psychologists call "overtalking," meaning you share the same sad feelings again and again, to the point that you're stuck feeling sad all the time as you relive the rejection. "When that happens, it can sometimes be good to ask a friend or family member to help distract you. Support doesnt just have to be talking: Maybe theres an activity you typically enjoy or a particular place you want to go, and it can be healing to share that experience with someone who cares about you," says Dr. Mendle.
3. Don't Haunt Their Social Media Accounts
Getting over someone is infinitely harder if you're looking at their social media accounts all the time! Our best advice: Unfollow, unfollow, unfollow. Stop following their Twitter, stop following their Instagram, stop following their Tumblr. You might have to see the object of your affection in class, but why make it harder on yourself? Clearing your screen of your crush's presence can do wonders. You can also use those privacy settings on Facebook that allow you to block someone's updates from your feed! It's unfriending without actually unfriending, which is a great option if you're worried he or she will notice a drop in their friend count.
"Constantly checking an ex or crushs social media keeps a relationship alive, and people often do this when they are not ready to face the end of that relationship. Its normal to want to stay connected to someone who means a lot to you, but it can also keep you in a state of grief, loss, or sadness. It takes a lot of strength and discipline, but most people find that they eventually feel better once they acknowledge that a relationship is over or that a desired relationship may not get off the ground," says Mendle.
4. Know Your Worth and Do What You Love
When we're getting over a crush, one thing our friends always remind us is, "It's THEIR loss." Which is true! This person is not the only person in the world. YOU, however, are the only you. Do something that will remind you of this whatever you excel at that makes you feel amazing and empowered when you do it. If your next crush is truly worthy of you, they'll be attracted to all of your talents and encourage you to be the best you can be. (A significant other is basically a different kind of BFF, after all.) Bonus: Being busy with all the things you like doing is a great way to not even have time to dwell on a lost almost-love.
5. Learn Whatever You Can
Hindsight is always 20/20. Now that you're back to feeling like yourself, think about what qualities your old crush had that you'd like to find in a new one. Did they have a great sense of humor? A killer smile? Did you like the same music? What did you not like about this person? You most certainly don't need to dive right into a new romantic situation, but it's helpful to figure out what you're into and what you're not for the next time you find yourself having feelings.
6. Know That This Is Temporary and You're Not Alone
No matter how much your heart is hurting, know that the feelings won't last forever. You will move on. "Feelings even very negative ones are actually temporary. There will always be times when you want something intensely and it just doesnt work out. Its normal to take a while to rebound from that. But learning that feelings can and do pass even when it seems like youll feel sad forever is something you can remember the next time you feel down," says Mendle.
Also, it might help to remember you're not alone. We've literally all been there. You are not the first or the last person to try to figure out how to get over a crush.
7. Get It All Out in Your Journal
Journaling has been proven to reduce stress, clear your mind, and help you move on from negative thoughts. How? Well, first, it allows you to take a moment and focus solely on yourself, and be present in the moment. With this focus comes clarity, and you're able to get some respite from your emotions and thoughts. Even the act of journaling itself is healing if you want, you can throw out the paper after you write down all your feelings (we get it: sometimes you don't want to keep a record of your innermost thoughts).
8. Meet New People
When you feel ready, consider meeting and hanging out with new people. There's no pressure to start dating, of course, but even putting yourself out there and being open to new possibilities can do wonders for healing your heart and giving you hope that you will be able to develop feelings for someone else (even if it might not seem like it right now).
9. See a Therapist or Counselor
If you've talked it out, blocked your crush on social media, and tried to move on, but just feel stuck in the sadness, seeing a counselor can really help. How do you know if you should see someone? If you've been experiencing any of the following for a month or more, it might be time to see a counselor:
- You feel down all day most of the day nearly every day.
- Your feelings are keeping you from enjoying things you might normally enjoy.
- Your feelings are getting in the way of doing schoolwork, hanging out with your friends, or getting along with people.
"The most important thing when visiting a counselor is that you feel comfortable with that person. Its hard and scary to tell someone personal things. You should have the sense that whatever you share will be respected and valued," says Mendle. "There are many different types of counseling. Some just involve support and listening. Others are more active. The counselor will still listen and support you, but you will also work together on ways to boost your mood or to help you feel more control over your life and feelings."
Related: How to Stop Lurking Your Crush on Social Media
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