We hate wasting time on people who arent on the same page as us. We also hate being lead on and in the unknown.
Because of this, we want to ask someone what their true intentions talking to us and if they want a relationship. However, doing so may freak the guy out. If you talk about it early on, the guy can assume youre needy and you push him away.
In this article, I am going to go over why pushing him away is probably the best thing and saved you a lot of time.
How To Ask A Guy What He Wants Without Pushing Him Away Or Coming Off Needy
It doesnt matter how you ask him just ask him. If a guy truly likes you and wants a relationship, asking him wont push him away. A guy will only be pushed away or assume youre needy if he wasnt sure about a relationship, didnt like you, or was emotionally unavailable.
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I hate women asking this and expecting me to give them word for word what to say.
if you have to say something in a way to prevent him from pulling away, why are you even talking to this guy? Youre already out!
Let me emphasize some things.
It is important to know that if a guy TRULY liked you, it wouldnt push him away. The fact that youre asking for clarity seems to be a deal-breaker to the guy is nuts. No one thing will push a guy away.
If a guy likes you, where this thing you two have is going, and enjoys your time, WHILE looking for a potential relationship, why wouldnt he want to hear that you two are on the same page?
The ONLY reason is pressure.
But its VERY important to know that pressure would only be created if he wasnt sure what he wanted or not looking for a relationship because then he would feel obligated to owe you something. However, if he has the potential to give you what you want and actually likes you, why would asking him push him away? youre asking him what hes looking fornot if he wants your babies
The thing that pushes a man away is context and even then, thats if hes not ready for anything serious. I have a video below that goes into detail on this theory.
I know you may ask, Well, I want to ask early so I dont waste my time. Wouldnt that come off needy? He doesnt know me well enough to want anything but I can see where it comes off strong.
Three things I have to say about that:
- There is still nothing wrong with asking for clarity and context
- I still believe its not the thing that pushes him away
- If he does freak out over that, youre literally talking to a guy who didnt want a relationship to begin with.
So Should I Ask A Guy What He Wants Or What Are His Intentions?
I am going to contradict myself here a bit and say
Dont bring it up.
There are several reasons I say that:
- You dont know if hes telling the truth or lying
- Most guys are looking for something IF the right girl comes along
- He can want something then change his mind
You Dont Know If Hes Telling The Truth Or Lying
I like how women think that just because she asks, it means the words that come out of his mouth are always honest and genuine.
Should he be honest and genuine? Of course. Hes an ass if hes not.
However, a lot of men will justify that they are being honest (more on that in a bit).
I am just stating this because if youre worried about coming off needy by asking yet you dont know for sure youre getting a truthful answer, why ask to begin with? I hate to say this assuming people are evil and manipulators but they are. Its hard to explain to women because hes tricking himself into justifying why what hes saying is honest.
Most Guys Are Looking For Something IF Its With The Right Woman
This is one of the traps a guy gets you in and I hate calling it a trap because its not. Its just something women dont comprehend.
A lot of you assume automatically that if he is looking for a relationship and talking to you that youre relationship material.
That isnt always the case.
There are a lot of women I talked to in my life where during that time, if the right woman came along, I would commit. Although I liked her and thought she was awesome, I didnt feel she was the one.
So a lot of you may ask then:
Well why didnt you let her go you piece of crap?! You lead her on!
This is where I talk about guys justifying things. Its not as easy as you think.
Although, I may not be sure shes the one, that doesnt mean I dont like her. That doesnt mean I dont have fun being with her. I just dont see her as the one I spend the rest of my life with.
But because a lot of men (including) myself werent talking to other women on the level I was with this particular one, its hard to disregard her as nothing when I am feeling something still.
Men are risk-avoidant and you can call me a horrible man but I am not going to stop talking to someone I like simply because in that moment in time I am not sure.
STORY TIME! I remember back when I was 15 there was this girl I really liked named Kayla. We were good friends who hung out in the same friends group. She really liked me and made it obvious. I saw her as just a friend. However, the more we hung out, the more I opened up to her, got comfortable with her, and actually started to like her. It was summer time and she signed my yearbook. She left this page long note in there before leaving on a month trip to South Carolina (where shes from). The whole time she was gone, I kept reading that note over and over. I remember my friends and I were playing in the street when we saw her white van pull up in the drive way. She got out and I saw her differently. I started to REALLY like her. Things where different after that.
So feelings can change. Does that mean you should wait around in hope they change? Absolutely not! 6-8 dates or weeks then youre out. If not, most guys will take advantage of you in these situations. I was justifying why some men hold on.
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To sum it up, yes, most guys want something if its the right woman. Just because hes talking to you doesnt mean youre the right woman though. Dont assume him to just let you go. He probably does feel something. That is why its up to you at 6-8 dates or weeks to cut him off. If not, he will probably take advantage of you.
Dont Ask Because He Can Change His Mind On How He Feels
I remember a girl asked me early on if I was looking for a relationship and I said yes. She asked if I liked her and I said yes. As we continued to talk, I didnt like her as much and broke it off. She thought I was using her and the biggest piece of crap in the world. I told her I would be the biggest piece of crap if I kept talking to her and lead her on which I didnt.
A guys feelings can change so why ask so early?
Why not just focusing on building attraction? I always say:
Attraction is like currency, the more you have, the more you can do.
Focus on having fun and hanging out. Give him an ultimatum at 6-8 dates to save yourself time.
Can he want a relationship? Yes.
Can he even want one with you? Yes
Can all of that change over time? Yes
Asking too early gets your hopes up and you dont know how sincere he is. Trust me, this dude doesnt know what he wants. Just focus on building attraction and getting him hooked. That is why you need to check out my course Attraction Academy. It gives you all the tools needed to hook a guy for good.