How to Ask a Guy if He Likes You
by Linda Emma / in Lifestyle
Be Subtle and Stealthy or Honest and Direct
This isnt middle school. But when youre trying to figure out whether he likes you likes you, it can stir up adolescent memories of mixed messages and awkward moments. Of course, youre nervous. After all, its not just about you anymore. Even something as happy and good as a new relationship can wreak havoc on your life if you dont begin it on the right foot.2
Silently Assess His Behavior
Before you put yourself out there on a lonely limb, look for signs. Pay attention to how he behaves when hes with youand when hes not. He may already be telling you a lot about his feelings for you even if he doesnt use words. Does he want to spend time with you? Does he seem happy and comfortable when youre together? Does he call you all the time?
Whether hes someone you just met or an old friend who only recently stepped back into your life, you may be able to tell what he feels by what he does. If he shares his day-to-day and shows a real interest in what you do, hes probably into you. Hes okay with meeting your family. He wants you to meet his. These are signs its not just a casual friendship.3
Ask Without Words
If hes being less clear, measure his behaviors by putting yours upfront. When you touch him, does he touch you back? You laugh at his jokes; does he laugh at yours? Be careful, though. He may enjoy your company, may even want to spend the night, but sex isnt love. Especially when the kids are home, you dont want to introduce him as the guy of your dreams if hes only interested in a passing fling.4
Find Out What He Thinks About Relationships
Before you come out and ask, assess his attitude about relationships in general. If hes still heartbroken over an ex, you may not want to step in as a rebound no matter how much he likes you. Or maybe hes a dedicated bachelor who says never when it comes to long-term relationships. He may like you for just one reason. And if his ideas about children dont match yours, hes likely not for you. You want someone who likes you and all the people you come with.5
Set the Mood
Even for the direct approach, set a mood that will help him answer and act. If its been casual and fun up until now, its time to turn the corner. Invite him to dinner or choose a quiet place with low lighting and just the right ambiance. Dress sexy. Wear subtle makeup and perfume. Give him your undivided attention and maintain intimate eye contact.6
Drop a Hint
One way to ask without actually asking is to offer some of your own feelings. Tell him that you really enjoy his company. If he says he enjoys yours as well, tread further. Compliment him and give him the chance to do the same to you. And then just tell him how you feel. Be careful: Choose the wrong L word, and you could send him running.7
Just ask! If youre looking for a relationship, you need to know whether he is too. Come right out and ask about his feelings for you. Explain to him that your life is a little complicated and you dont have time for games. Neither of you may be ready for love and commitment yet, but if he says youre just not the one for him, it may be time to put on the brakes before you get hurt.
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- 1 NCBI: Childrens reactions to parental separation and divorce
- 2 Psychology Today: Why Is It So Hard to Tell If Someone Likes You?
- 3 Psychology Today: 5 Ways to Tell That Someone Likes You
- 4 Today: How to tell if a guy likes you, translating man-speak
- Linda Emma is a long-standing writer and editor. She is also a digital marketing professional and published author with more than 20 years experience in media and business. She works as a content manager and professional writing tutor at a private New England college. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Northeastern University.