How to get a guy to ask you out on Hinge

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How to get a guy to ask you out on Hinge

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

How long should I wait for him to ask me out?

Are you asking yourself this question?

Let me go out on a limb here and guess that youve been chatting to a guy for a while (perhaps even flirting) and he hasnt asked you out yet.

You thought he liked you, but now youre second-guessing whether he actually has feelings for you.

After all, guys are meant to be the ones who initiate dates and attraction.

While there might be many reasons a guy hasnt asked you out, lets go over some different scenarios of whats a normal timeframe for a guy to ask you out and then well talk about what you can do about it.

1. If its online, expect at least one week

Im not sure if youve been chatting to this guy online or offline, so lets start with online chatting (like tinder or any other app).

To research for this article, I surveyed the Hack Spirit email list (40,158 subscribers, mostly female).

I asked what the average amount of Tinder chatting time before their match asked them out on a date.

Here are the results:

Less than 24 hours: 8323
1-3 days: 5342
3-7 days: 5480
1-2 weeks: 17456
2-4 weeks: 3219
Longer than one month: 326
3 months or longer: 12

As you can see, it is common to be chatting for at least a week before a guy asks them out on a date.

But guys generally dont wait longer than 2 weeks.

Now Im sure if youre Googling, How long should I wait for a guy to ask me out? then perhaps youve been chatting to your guy for longer than 2 weeks.

While its not ideal, dont panic. Later in the article well talk about the different reasons some guys may take longer to ask you out.

2. The optimum online chatting time is 1-2 weeks

According to dating expert Hayley Quinn, one to two weeks of chatting is the optimum amount of time before going on a date.


Because this gives you time to get to know them, but not too much time for the spark to fizzle out.

Furthermore, if you chat with someone for too long youll likely build up an idea about what theyre going to be like in your head, and if that image doesnt match up to reality, then youll be disappointed.

According to Quinn, one of the best indicators that someone is actually into you is how quickly theyre willing to meet up with you in person.

If somebody doesnt want to meet up for quite a while (lets say one month) then dating clearly isnt a priority for them.

Now as I said, if your man has been chatting to you for longer than 2 weeks, dont panic. There are good reasons why some guys take longer (Ill go over them below), but if those reasons dont seem to be the case for your man, then unfortunately it may point to the fact that he just isnt that interested in you.

3. If you work or go to school together, then expect longer

This is clearly going to depend on the level of interaction between the two of you. Are in the same class together? Coworkers?

If youre in a mutually shared environment like a workplace or classroom, then its going to take longer than a couple of weeks.


Because he needs to make sure that youre actually into him. Otherwise its too risky.

After all, he is going to see you every day for quite a while, and if you reject his advances then its going to get awkward.

We all know how long it took Jim to ask out Pam in the Office.

So in a real-life scenario like above, Id expect that it will take him longer than a month (and perhaps even 3 months).

However, in these scenarios, its important that you give him subtle hints to ask you out, otherwise it might never happen.

Guys dont want to risk creating an awkward situation.

Here are some signs you can use that show a girl likes a guy:

Smiling at him
Shooting short glances his way
Making prolonged eye contact with him
Running fingers through your hair
Licking your lips
Exposing your neck
Tilting your head towards you
Lightly touching him on the arm
Laughing at his jokes
Caressing an object in your hands while looking at him

4. If youre just running into him casually, and theres no barrier to him asking you out (like being coworkers) then expect a couple weeks

If you run into this guy casually every now and then, and there is no expectation between you and the guy (like being in the same classroom or being coworkers) then it shouldnt take him too long to ask you out.

Id say one month is the maximum amount of time it would take him to ask you out if youre running into him once or twice a week.

The amount of times you run into him is more important than the length of time, so expect an average of 4 meetings before he asks you out.

However, some guys will be very quick here and will ask you out within the first couple of times of meeting you.

That will depend on how forward, confident and direct he is.

Again, if youre waiting for this guy to ask you out, you can drop subtle hints to move him along.

You can let him know that youre single and see what he does.

How long should I wait for him to ask me out?

Based on the information above, youd wait a month (at most) for him to ask you out (unless youre co-workers or classmates).

But I believe that what is more important is to ask yourself: What is our connection like?

If youre convinced that you have a strong connection with this guy then you have two options:

1. Wait longer for this guy to ask you out (while giving him subtle hints)

2. Ask him out yourself

Is rejection really that big of a deal?

Is well point out below, there are plenty of reasons a guy might not be asking you out, and one of them is the fact that he thinks youre not interested in him.

If he is not asking you out because he thinks you dont like him, then youd kick yourself if you didnt do something about it right now.

Below well go over different scenarios that uncover the reasons why behind why your guy is taking so long to ask you out, and then well talk about some seduction secrets to get this guy to ask you out.

Why some guys take longer to ask out a girl

If your man is taking longer than the averages Ive shared above, then dont worry. There might be legitimate reasons he is taking longer.

Here are some common reasons why he hasnt asked you out yet:

1. His heart might be broken

This is an important consideration. Breakups are tough on anyone. He might still be struggling to process his emotions and move on.

While there might be undeniable chemistry between the two of you, he just isnt ready for another relationship yet.

To figure out if this is the case, ask him about his previous relationships. If youve been chatting for over a couple of weeks, Im sure he will be honest with you.

What can you do if he is heartbroken?

Not much really. Heartbreak heals with time, so youre going to have to wait for him to process his feelings and move on. Whether or not you want to wait for that moment is up to you.

2. He might be incredibly busy with work or study

Guys tend to think more practically than girls, and time and money are practical concerns that stop a man from dating.

Why are men like this?

Because a guy has a need to feel secure before dating and he also wants to make sure he can provide and care for the woman he is dating.

Maybe your guy is going through a tough time financially. Or perhaps he is completely time-crunched with work or study.

But if he feels like he doesnt have the means or the energy to invest in the woman he adores, then he probably wont ask you out until he is over these concerns.

Can you do anything?

It can be tough to change a guys thinking on this. But if you can organize a low-key coffee with him, then you can perhaps reinforce the low-maintenance kind of gal you are.

This will help him see that he doesnt need to invest ridiculous amounts of time or money with you.

But if you feel like his mind-set is pretty set in stone, then it might not be worth your time.

3. He doesnt think youre interested

This is a constant struggle many men face. They have a low opinion of themselves and tend to think that most girls they interact with simply arent interested.

Its actually a defense mechanism to protect them from getting rejected.

In fact, a 2013 study found that men were more likely to misinterpret when a woman was sending signals that she was into them than when she was sending signals that she only wanted to be friends.

What can you do if this is the case?

Simple, you need to let him know that youre interested in him. Perhaps you dont want to be straightforward, but it could be something as simple as, Hey, I really enjoyed chatting with you. Yep, that really is all.

4. He isnt interested in you

This one you didnt want to hear. But if he is taking longer than the averages above, it stands to reason that he might not be interested in you.

It sucks, but it happens.

But you dont want to jump to that conclusion because he might be heartbroken or he might think that youre not interested in him.

So you need to do some investigative work to figure out what really is this guys issue.

How to get your guy to ask you out

Okay, so knowing averages of how long it takes for a guy to ask you out and the reasons why he hasnt asked you out yet might be interesting but it doesnt get you what you want, does it?

So if you want to get this guy to ask you out, you need to give him a nudge.

Here are some simple ways to give him a nudge to get him to ask you out.

1. Look at your body language when you interact with him

If you dont want to ask him with actual language, ask him with body language. The way you move, sit, and stand are all vital means of communication.

You know how if youre chatting to someone you like (or even on a date with them) and you get that weird feeling that theyre definitely not that into you?

Thats down to body language.

Even if youre not conscious of anything specific, that vibe you get that they cant wait to be anywhere else is all because of body language.

And it works the other way around too.

To show your guy that youre interested and want them to ask you out, make sure you look at him and keep eye contact (dont stare, but maybe use just a little more eye contact than youre comfortable with).

You might think that looking away or at your shoes is being cute and coy. Hell just think you want to get away from him.

Angle yourself towards him, keeping your arms away from your chest and your feet pointed towards him.

Crossing your arms across your body and your feet pointed away from his body looks defensive.

Finally, and this is the scary bit, touch him. Not in a creepy way. But just brush his arm lightly when you go to pick up your drink, or if you stand up.

If hes starting to think the same way as you, that little touch will make him think you might just be feeling the same. And that might be all he needs to ask you on a date.

Here are some body language cues you can use to get your guy to ask you out:

Here are some signs that show a girl likes a guy:

Smiling at him
Shooting short glances his way
Making prolonged eye contact with him
Running fingers through your hair
Licking your lips
Exposing your neck
Tilting your head towards you
Lightly touching him on the arm
Laughing at his jokes
Caressing an object in your hands while looking at him

2. Make him feel like a hero

If you want to get a guy to ask you out, then you need to tap into his primal instincts. Something he desperately needs.

What is it?

For any guy to fall for a woman, he needs to feel like her provider and protector. He needs to feel genuinely admired.

In other words, he needs to feel like your hero.

I know it sounds a little ridiculous. After all, youre an independent woman. You dont need a man to be your hero and rescue you!

And look, I couldnt agree more.

But the ironic truth is this:

Men still need to feel like a hero.


Because its built into their biology to seek out relationships that allow them to fulfill the role of being a provider and protector.

Your man has a thirst for admiration, and he wants to step up to the plate to protect you.

Therefore, if you can make him feel like a hero, it will unleash his protective instinct and hell have no choice but to ask you out.

Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of love and attraction.

And the kicker?

He wont ask you out if this thirst isnt satisfied.

Theres actually a psychological term for what Im talking about here. It was coined the hero instinct by relationship psychologist James Bauer.

Bauer says that you cant trigger the hero instinct just by giving him admiration the next time you see him.

Men dont like receiving participation awards just for showing up. He wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.


You dont need to engineer a scenario where he has to save kids from a burning house or a little old lady from getting hit by a car.

He wants to be your hero, not an action hero.

But there are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.

And because no man can resist a woman who makes him feel like a hero, its worth learning a few of these emotional trigger points.

If you want to learn more about this powerful technique (from the man who invented it), thencheck out his short video here.

Top tip:

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, youll see the results immediately.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, hell become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed relationship with you.

The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But its amplified in his romantic relationships.

Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You canread her story here.

Talking with Pearl about her experience is how I was introduced to the concept myself. Since then, Ive written about it extensively on Hack Spirit.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think this is one of them.

Thats why I recommendwatching this free online videowhere you can learn more about the hero instinct and how to trigger it in your guy.

3. Drop some hints

If youre only chatting to this guy online, then you need to drop him some hints in conversation.

Steer your conversation around directly to the subject of dating and relationships.

Youll have to be a bit brave, but it might just be the only way to get that date.

You could talk about how youre single, and how you miss having someone to cook your favorite dinner for.

Or you could ask him what his perfect date would be. Hell be in no doubt what you want him to do next.

If you really cant do it, try and talk to his friends. If hes into you, theyll know about it. They might even have been looking for a way to help him out.

Find a friend or two of his that you think you can trust, and tell them straight out that youre interested.

If the feelings mutual, the information is guaranteed to get back to your guy and youll have your date.

How to get him to ask you out?

Youre ready for that next step in the relationship, so why isnt he?

It can be frustrating to simply sit back and let things play out.


There is something you can do about it, and it doesnt involve sitting back and waiting for him to make up his mind.

Its safe to say that if he hasnt asked you out yet, its because you havent triggered his hero instinct.

All men have a biological urge to be needed, and when this isnt triggered, the love and connection isnt there. And neither is the commitment.

If youre looking for this guy to commit to you and actually ask you on that first date, then triggering his hero instinct is the key.

Check out thisfree online videoby James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept to help you understand exactly how it will change your relationship for the better.

No, you dont have to sit back and play damsel in distress. Instead, work out these simple ways you can trigger the instinct in your man so that he finally takes the plunge and asks you on a date.

This relatively new concept is a game-changer. Its one of the best-kept secrets in the relationship world and its all that stands between you and future happiness.

Heres another link to his free online video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you havent heard of Relationship Hero before, its a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Hack Spirit review team. In our reviews, Hack Spirit highlights products and services that you might find interesting. If you buy them, we receive a small commission from that sale. However, we only ever recommend products that we have personally investigated and truly feel could be valuable to you. Read our affiliate disclosure here. We welcome your feedback at [emailprotected].

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