This Is the Perfect Way to Let a Guy Down Easy After the First DateTheres an easy way to be graceful and direct about it.
- Author:Taylor Davies
- Publish date:Sep 12, 2017
Theres an easy way to be graceful and direct about it.
In one of my favorite episodes of Friends, Chandler goes on a date with Rachels boss Joanna, but he doesnt want to see her again. After the date, rather than saying goodbye and walking away, he lingers in the awkward conversation and finally blurts out, Well, this was great! Ill give you a call; we should do it again sometime! Rachel pulls him aside and asks if he is in fact going to call her, and he scoffs and says no.
Weve all been there! But as someone who hasbeen on both sides of the no second date situation, I can tell you with 100 percent confidence that sparing someone's feelings isn't wisebeing direct and honest is the way to go. When you decide to politely tell a guy you dont want to go out again, you will feel proud of yourself, and hell get the closure he deserves.
Even though things are hardly serious at this early stage, I know it can be hard to actually say (or type) the words. Thats why Ive laid out some easy to follow directivesthese are the dos and donts of declining a second date.
The 4 Donts of Declining a Second Date
01. DONT . . . lead him on.
When youre single, loneliness can come with the territory. And when youre lonely, its easy to let your desire for a little attention drive you to draw out relationships with men youre not really interested in. I know how tempting this is, and Ive engaged in this bad behavior plenty of times myself. Leading a man onby breadcrumbing him with noncommittal texts and vague rescheduling plansis immature in any dating situation, but especially unnecessary after only one date.
02. DONT . . . ghost.
Men dislike ghosting as much as women do. Leaving someone hanging like this is the worst kind of dating behavior. If you only went on one date with a man, you dont need to be afraid of letting him down gently! Ghosting doesnt accomplish thatit just leaves him feeling confused and pokes a hole in his trust when it comes to women.
03. DONT . . . be mean.
Unless this guy did something offensive, rude or inappropriate, you dont need to berate him with reasons you dont want to go out again. Dont tell him he had bad breath. Dont tell him he talked too much or didnt seem to have his life together. When youre in the power position of rejecting someone, theres no need to kick him while he is down.
04. DONT . . . make up excuses or lie.
Listen, I know what youre thinking because Ive thought it, too. Once youve decided you dont want to go out with someone again, your mind starts racing toward the easiest possible way you could get this guy out of your hair. You think, Ill just tell him I met someone else, or Ill tell him Im really busy with work right now. And while you can do that, please dont. After one date, you dont owe him anything, and you have the right to take this moment and speak your truth.
The 4 Dos of Declining a Second Date
01. DO . . . have the conversation at a distance.
The most likely scenario for this conversation is either over the phone or via text. If a guy asks you for a second date in personlike right at the end of the first dateyou dont have to crush his dreams right there on the sidewalk. If he fishes for a promise with something like, I would love to see you again suggest something like, Ill have to check my schedule. Why dont you call or text me later this week? A more casual conversation through your phone is perfectly acceptable and far more likely, actually.
02. DO . . . lead with a compliment.
When the moment arrives, I recommend leading with a compliment, either about him or your last date. It could be as simple as I had a great time with you last week or I think youre totally hilarious. Theres no need to overdo it, though its important not to send mixed messages. Deliver a kind comment that serves as a sort of Its not you, its me without actually having to say such a cliche line. (And remember, its not as serious as all that! Were talking one date here, people!)
03. DO . . . be direct.
According to a study conducted by the Hinge dating app in May of this year, only 14 percent of women felt comfortable being blunt when they dont want to see someone again, as opposed to 29 percent of men. Ladies, we can be better than this! Ive come up with three boilerplate phrases you can use to let this guy knowdefinitively but kindlythat you dont want to go out with him again. Here they are:
I don't feel confident in our chemistry.
Ultimately I think were better as friends.
I dont really think were a good match.
04. DO . . . wrap it up.
Finally, conclude the conversation by being, well, conclusive. If youre writing this out as a text, your last sentence should be a definitive wrap up that doesnt invite debate or confusion. A simple Appreciate your understanding, should do it. If youre doing this conversation over the phone, give him a moment to respond. Most likely, hell say something like, OK, thanks for letting me know, and try to get off the phone as quickly as possible. You can tie things off similarly to the text script by saying, Thanks for understanding, but try not to blurt out something like Have a nice life! or Talk to you later!
The important thing to remember here is that after one or even two dates, you dont owe a guy anything. You do not need to feel guilty for not wanting to date someone. You dont need to be overly apologetic about it either. Did you notice I didnt use the word sorry once? Theres a reason. You have nothing to be sorry for when it comes to letting someone down. Own your choice, state it clearly and then continue right along in your search for Mr. Right.Tagsterms:First Datesbreakup advice