How to stop talking forever

Awhile back, I released an article on 4 Ways to Help Others Be More Concise with strategies to help us all to improve verbal efficiency within our organizations.But what do you do

How to stop talking forever

Awhile back, I released an article on 4 Ways to Help Others Be More Concise with strategies to help us all to improve verbal efficiency within our organizations.

4 Ways to Get People to Stop Talking

But what do you do when an individual simply wont shut up? Thats the question one of my colleagues says hes asked more these days than anything else.

Its a topic to approach thoughtfully, since lots of us work hard to get people to talk more in the workplace. That said, this is a real obstacle for people who regularly interact with someone who simply doesnt know when to stop.

The four actions below won'tfix people who say too much. However, they will help you manage excessive talking when ending the dialogue is ultimately best for everyone involved.

1. Set Time Limits

Every Sunday morning my family and I sit in a quiet, orderly church service for over an hour. In the years weve been attending the church, never once has someone talked over the pastor (and I can assure you that we have talkers in our congregation).

People who like to talk a lot can absolutely be quiet if the expectations are clear. If youre going into a meeting or dialogue with a chronic talker, be clear up front on how long the meeting will be and how much air time people will get.

If a talker catches you off guard before youve set this expectation, its perfectly acceptable to say:

Let me interrupt for a moment since I didnt expect our conversation/meeting to go this long. I need to wrap up in five minutes to return to [insert what you need to be doing here]. What's the action you want me to take?

When a clear expectation is established, most chronic talkers will honor it.

(Career-saving note: if the chronic talker is your boss, skip ahead to #2).

2. Engage Enthusiastically

One reason people talk too much is because they are not heard. Chronic talkers often carry that reputation and others avoid engaging for fear the conversation will never end. As a result, they talk even more to get minimal attention.

Once youve established a timeframe (see point #1) then its your responsibility to engage and actually listen to whats being said. Ask questions to draw out more. Tell them what youve heard them saying. Inquire about whats not yet been said. Make eye contact. Smile.

If you do this within the scope of the timeline, youll demonstrate that you actually care instead of just being another person trying to rid yourself of them. Its been my experience over that years that after doing this genuinely for a bit, a chronic talker will sometimes get a bit more concise  and even when they don't, they will often notice (and sometimes even mention) that you've listened better than most anybody else.

Plus, youll feel better about the interaction afterwards.

3. Help Them Land the Plane

Many (although not all) chronic talkers tend to be more extraverted. Since extraverts are more likely to think out loud, talking a lot is often just their way of thinking through a complex situation.

You can help by assuming the air traffic controller role and signaling when its time to land. Dale Carnegie instructors often employ this when helping people wrap up stories that they tell in training sessions. Here are a few things you can ask:

  • What ultimately happened?
  • Given what youve said, what conclusion are you drawing?
  • What are the action items for me/us based on what you've said?
  • So, what do you recommend I/we do?

All of the above signal that its time to land the plane, while helping the talker save face by wrapping things up on their own terms.

4. Interrupt Between Breaths

Ive heard this a few times:

I cant get in a single word to set expectations. This person literally never stops talking.

Years ago, I received some coaching from a senior facilitator to wait until a person takes a breath, and interrupt then if you have to. Their rationale? Everybody has to breathe at some point.

Ive used this advice more than a few times. Its a bit scary how well it works. Use this as a last resort when the first three dont do it.

Want more insight?

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