Why do guys just like the chase?

You guys talk a lot about being the prize and while I agree with the idea, I find it really difficult when it comes to guys I really like. Im not much into rules and seriously hate

Why do guys just like the chase?

You guys talk a lot about being the prize and while I agree with the idea, I find it really difficult when it comes to guys I really like. Im not much into rules and seriously hate any type of action that is not authentically me. But exactly HOW do you remain the prize when the fear takes hold?

And to be the prize, does he have to feel like hes in competition with other men? Everyone says men love the chase, is this true? If so, how can I get him to chase me without being obvious?

Being the prize isnt something youre doing like walking a tightrope in a trapeze act. It isnt about stringing along a guy and making him feel like he doesnt quite have you or that you need to constantly dangle a carrot.

It is him knowing that you have options and if he stopped showing up in the relationship, you wouldnt whine and beg youd find another option (which would be readily available) and move on to greener pastures.

You have value, he sees that and he knows that if he wants to keep you around, he needs to show up in the relationship and keep you happy.

It comes from a realization: relationships are not tangible, concrete things like a purse or car or stone. Relationships involve emotional and psychological movement, flowing forward at every moment.

People treat relationships like theyre something that you can lose or break. Theyve been convinced somehow that relationships are things and they believe that the possession of that thingwill give them happiness and status and the losingof that thingwill lead to a loss of happiness and status.

MORE: 11 Ways to Find True Happiness

Its all an illusion. Its all BS.

The fear that youre talking about is fear of loss but you cant lose something that isnt a possession in the first place. People who understand that relationships arent things to be lost and acquired dont have this fear of loss (mind you, this illusory fear of loss) because they realize that relationships are what they are at face value

Im trying to untangle your mind from the psychological spaghetti this culture has convinced you is real. The culture we live in has you convinced that if you just do certain tricksor mind gamesthen you geta relationship as if the relationship was a possession to be acquired.

This is a ridiculous concept to even consider because theres no relationship to be gotten. The relationship is your moment-to-moment interaction with that person in those moments there is no destination, no thing to get.

This is why, when a guy says, It is what it is in regards to a relationship hes actually making a profoundly accurate statement.

So regardless of whether or not you really like a guy or not, your relationship with him is what it is. Theres nowhere to get to and nothing to get. You already have it in that moment theres no fantasy to bring to reality, no wishes and wants to come to fruition it already is as it is.

With all that said, whats ultimately messing you up is that youre conjuring images and fantasies in your mind of what could be with this guy that you really like instead of taking it at face value. Those fantasies create performance anxiety because now you feel you could win or lose something when in fact thats a total illusion.

Its not about being the prize when youre feeling afraid. Its realizing that the source of your fear is total BS and that the fear is generated from you at your most inauthentic (what could be more inauthentic than manufacturing a fantasy in your mind, then obsessively trying to push reality into becoming that fantasy instead of just being present in the moment as it is??)

Now about the guy needing to feel like hes in a competition

Let me illustrate with an analogy. You happen to get a great job. You know its great  it pays well, you enjoy the work, you enjoy the people you work with. Yeah, its a job so you do have to work, but you love it.

At the same time you know that if you stopped showing up or stopped doing work, you would be fired. However, your boss doesnt have to threaten you with that, ever. Your boss doesnt have to remind you how great your job is, or how they could hire other people but theyre choosing you for now

Moreover, you know you have something that other people wish they had (rare and valuable), you genuinely enjoy it on many levels (it fulfills you in many ways) and youve invested in it (you feel that you have it and if you walked away, it would be a loss)

If youre happy at your job, youre not going anywhere and youll be a great worker. At the same time, you know that you have to show up and pull your weight.

Contrast that with a company that hires some guy who doesnt take his job seriously he shows up when he feels like it, doesnt work very hard, and really just doesnt care much. But instead of firing the guy, the company covers for his weaknesses, ignores or forgives his absences, and tries to make it work with him.

Maybe, for some reason, the company thinks they couldnt hire someone else to do the job. Maybe, the company feels its on them to turn a loser into a winner. Maybe going through the process of interviewing new candidates and training someone new seems too daunting.

Whatever it is you recognize your job is a prize while  (continued  Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: Do Guys Really Love the Chase?)

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