Photo by Kev Costello
Being ghosted by a guy you liked is a painful experience. Maybe youre in a bit of a shock or even disbelief because of it.
You probably thought that what you two shared was special and that he cared about you just as much as you cared about him. Things seemingly were going so well
only for him to suddenly cut you off for no reason and with no explanation!
If this just happened to you, you might be wondering: Is he ever going to get back to me?
Or perhaps someone who ghosted you just got back in touch, and now youre really confused and dont fully understand what he wants from you at this point.
Worry no more, I got you covered!
In this post, I will share with you everything you need to know about ghosting. Well talk about why ghosters always come back, what does it mean when they do and what best to do about it.
Why Ghosters Always Come Back
Imagine two people start dating each other. Theyre both into it, things are going well, but then the guy starts having second thoughts.
He suddenly becomes scared of how fast things have been going. Hes not sure if he is ready for any serious commitment.
Plus, he was putting on a bit of a show to impress his date, pretending to have it all figured out etc., but he just cant keep it up anymore.
So he is very undecided:
On one hand, he doesnt want to let go and just end things. But he doesnt want to continue the relationship either.
And thats why he just ghosts his date.
This way he doesnt have to admit to anything to her and doesnt have to explicitly end things either.
But at the same time, he is also making sure that the relationship doesnt continue.
To him, ghosting is a painless solution to his dilemma.
Its like an open-ended breakup.
In his head, theyre not dating anymore, but theoretically they could just pick up exactly where they left off, if he were to change his mind.
This is the reason why ghosters always come back!
The very purpose of ghosting is to create uncertainty and thereby leave room for a potential change of heart.
This is also why ghosters still follow you. They want to keep tabs on, so that they are up-to-date on what is going on in your life and can intervene if necessary.
How Long Until a Ghoster Comes Back
Firstly, I want to make clear what qualifies as ghosting.
If a guy youre dating suddenly stops replying only to get back to you a couple of days later, he hasnt ghosted you.
A few days of no contact isnt enough to qualify as ghosting.
There are many potential reasons why a guy might stop responding.
If someone youre dating has dropped off the map of for about a week, or continues to do so, thats also not really ghosting.
Its possible that he is emotionally unavailable and has trouble letting you become a part of his life.
Another possibility is that he is hiding something, like a depression, an addiction or worse.
Still, a few days up to a week of silence isnt enough to qualify as ghosting.
How long does it take for a proper ghoster to come back then?
Unfortunately, I couldnt find any reliable statistics on this.
But a lot of you guys have shared your stories with me in your comments and emails. Based on what youve told me, on average, a ghoster takes about 3 to 6 moths to come back.
But this is just an estimation. There is no fixed time frame for this.
It all depends on the situation and on his character.
Some ghosters come back after a month, some get in touch after a year of no contact, others never come back.
This brings me to my next point
Do Ghosters Ever Regret Ghosting
The short answer is: no they dont.
I know this might be shocking and hard to hear, but let me reassure you right away: it doesnt mean that you were completely wrong about him, and that he didnt care about you at all.
The reason why ghosters dont regret ghosting is because, in their head, they havent lost you yet.
To them, its an open-ended breakup. They think they can just get back to you and win you over again. So in a way, they feel like there is nothing to regret yet.
The only time when a ghoster might start regretting what hes done is when tries to restart the relationship, and youre not interested in him anymore.
Only then he might start having serious regrets.
What Does It Mean When a Guy Ghosts You and Then Comes Back
This probably makes you wonder: if he doesnt regret ghosting me, then why did he come back?
There are many reasons why men ghost women, but there is only one reason why they come back:
When a guy comes back after ghosting you, it means: he is still attracted to you and wants you again.
Does it mean youre special to him and that he really cares about you, though?
No, unfortunately not.
A guy who is a ghoster isnt mature enough to experience this kind of serious attachment.
Him coming back after a long time apart could indicate that you two shared something deeper and that he missed you.
But it could also be because some other girl just dumped him, and he wants to feel less lonely.
Or maybe he noticed that you were about to move on and barged in to prevent it. He might not want a serious relationship, but he doesnt want anyone else to have you either.
Now that you know that a ghoster coming back means that he wants you again, lets discuss what your most strategic next move should be.
Should You Take a Ghoster Back
You should almost never take a ghoster back.
He did this to you once already, he is bound to ghost you again.
Even if he doesnt, he has already shown that he cant be trusted.
Regardless how special things might have felt with this guy, it wasnt for real. He was pretending to be someone he is not and hasnt been honest with you.
A guy who is truly in love with you, would never treat you this way.
If he truly cared about you, he would have told you what was going on, he also wouldnt be stringing you along and keeping things vague on purpose.
So this is the reasonable thing to do, but I know that when it comes to the matters of heart, people hardly ever act reasonably
I myself took my boyfriend back after he broke up with me three times. (He never ghosted me though)
Still, I was definitely doing the unreasonable thing back then, and it actually turned out great. We are now happily married, were running this website together, and were helping other people with their relationship problems.
I also know from a lot of your guys comments that saying no to a ghoster is often easier said than done.
So if you need some support when it comes to standing your ground, or you are just really unwilling to give up on him but dont want to go into it unprepared, Im more than happy to support you with this, in a coaching call!
Here, Ill listen to your story and help you make sense of it.
Well then make a plan and give you tips on what to say and do, so that you can either get closure, or regain control and feel secure with him again.
Click Here to Check Out Our Coaching Calls
If you feel frustrated that you just keep on falling for the wrong kind of men, you might find some helpful tips in my other post: How To Finally Find The Right Guy
And in case you have any questions, leave me a comment below, Ill answer them there!
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Karolina BartnikKarolina is a co-founder of the SimplyTogether blog. She and her husband Gabriel went from frustrating fights and breakups to successfully building a lasting and loving relationship. Read their story here!
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